I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
