I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
