He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
