His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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