I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
