where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
