don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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