none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
