Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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