whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
