Dual....:-)
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
