the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
