But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
