dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
