You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize