We're like a lot better than the average bears
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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