I wish I could punch you in the face.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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