um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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