I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
