Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
