The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
