you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
