so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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