i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize