Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
