I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize