I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
