yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
