dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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