Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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