You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
