I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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