So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
