I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
