My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
