the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
