to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
