Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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