Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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