Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
