I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
