thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
