I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
