trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
