I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
