The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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