She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
