Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
