totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
