Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
