she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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