Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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