Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
