I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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