If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
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so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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