You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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