The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
