I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
