I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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