tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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