is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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