i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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