I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
