he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
